Discipline: God's Grace in Our Depravity
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"For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it" (Hebrews 12:11).
In the time that I have been a father, I have benefited from trying to explain complex ideas to my kids. For instance, explaining to Brielle that she should have a grateful attitude and not a complaining one has helped me improve my attitude as well after giving her the reason as to why we should be grateful: "all things have been made by Him and for Him," and "without Him nothing has been made that has been made." We receive nothing but that which the Father gives us. Therefore, we should be grateful always, for "in Him we have our life, our breath, and our very being." Apart from Him, we have nothing.
Recently, I was explaining to Brielle that discipline is a good thing. This idea is necessary for our kids to learn, as well as for parents to be reminded of. Some days it can feel like the only thing we do is say no or give spanks constantly. But there is a reason as to why these restraints are important.
The other day, Brielle did something wrong. How did I know it was wrong? Because it was against the law of God; she disobeyed her parents. Such disobedience always deserves correction. Afterwards, I began to explain why discipline is not only necessary, but why it is good.
My simple explanation went something like this: "Brielle, do you know that being disciplined is a good thing? It sure doesn't seem like it at the time, but it is good for us to be told no. If you weren't corrected for doing what was wrong, then you would keep doing wrong things. If we got everything we wanted, we would end up bearing very bad fruit. It's good that we don't get our way or what we want all the time, because many times what we want is wrong. It is because we love you that mom and I restrain you - hold you back - from doing what is wrong." At that moment a complex idea was made simple to me: restraint is God's grace in our depravity. We need restraint. Why? Because we are evil by nature. We need someone to hold us accountable; better than that, we need someone to discipline us so that we do not do everything we want to do. The thoughts and intentions of our hearts are evil and restraint is needed to keep us from evil.
The end goal of our parenting is not to have well-behaved kids or to create little moralists. The end goal of our parenting is to teach our children to fear the Lord; if they do not obey our words, then they will not obey His. As parents, we must restrain our children from the path of disobedience and lead them on the path of obedience. Our goal is to teach our children to discern good and evil for themselves, and pray that the Lord change their hearts by His grace. Essentially, we are training them to obey our words so that they will obey God's Word.
In passing, I would like to offer this brief treatise as well: All good things in society have come from God. Governments restrain criminals so society doesn't disintegrate (Romans 13). Even non-Christians can do good things, but their morality ("good things") comes from God, even if they don't know it. When an atheist teaches their child not to steal, they are not getting that idea from themselves; they are ultimately getting it from God. All good things come from God. All morality comes from God.
My hope is that by sharing this simple truth, we (as parents) will be encouraged to train our children in the way they should go. We are training their hearts to enjoy to do what is right; they must learn to obey with cheerfulness, not with a begrudging attitude. We should not be afraid or timid to discipline our children; our kids need it. We, too, need it. If I did not have restraints put on my sinful desires, I would be in jail or worse. Just think about the state of your own depravity the next time the speed limit sign restrains you to 55, and you go 60 - and then imagine if the speed restraint wasn't posted....
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